The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
