I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize