I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
