Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
