How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
