I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
