in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize