just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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