i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
