I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
