My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
