Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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