dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
