I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Still dying that you shit outside
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
