Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize