Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
