How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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