My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
