sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize