he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
