beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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