If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
