Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
