Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
