im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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