so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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