FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
