we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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