OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
