Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
