But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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