i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize