So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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