she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
