You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
