You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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