Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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