yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
