We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
