Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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