wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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