so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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