I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
