dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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