I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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