im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
