I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
