Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
