I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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