I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
