hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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