I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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