God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
