in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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