i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
