i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
false alarm, still single
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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