Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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