I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
