Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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