all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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