They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
