it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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