everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
