I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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