we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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