the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
