if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
