I accidentally burped into my bong.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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