oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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