On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
