it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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