If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
