u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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