I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
