i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
