just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
