so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
