Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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