i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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