Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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