Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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