Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
