My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
