check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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