Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
