i think my tv is drunk
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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