You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
