my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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