And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
