I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
