i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
