I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
