the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
