the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
