Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
