Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
