Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
