I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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