Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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