just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize