I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
