There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
