why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
