i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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