she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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