I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize