nut hugger
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want her autograph on my taint
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
