my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize