You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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