idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
