She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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